It’s been a month since New Year’s, when I told Miche that I really would like to make significant progress on “our problem” this year. I also said that rather than set a timetable and a deadline (because if we set a deadline, the terrorists win) I would instead just say that I would expect her to take some specific, non-trivial action at least every month.

She said at that time that she wasn’t sure what the next step should be, and I said, if you don’t know what the next step is, I strongly recommend that the next step should be to go to a therapist and say “I need help” and talk about it. I said that I would gladly go with her.

I don’t recall whether I said specifically that I expect her to call and make the appointment. I called and made the M.D. appt for her and went with her a few times, but now she is able to go on her own. (This month I believe she cancelled an appointment due to illness and I don’t know if she made another one, but probably has not gone in 3-4 weeks. Not a big deal since she has plenty of meds and is taking less than her prescribed dose - 5 instead of 15).

Tonight I mentioned therapy again, saying that I would like her to call a therapist and she said she would. I didn’t discuss timetables, and I didn’t say “Look, it’s been a month, have you done anything”. But I did offer to make a list from the insurance site and give it to her. I said that I wish I could go instead of her.

I really think that if something is important, and you’re not disabled in some way, that you should be able to make time for that one important thing, at least every week. I will keep pushing. It’s important to me to see her get some help, so I will make sure to bug her about it every week. I think I can even understand if she’s not able to take action every week because she’s just broken, not quite functional, terrified of it, or whatever. But I don’t think I can excuse and explain away taking no action for a month. So, I am going to figure that doing no action at all for one month counts as a “strike” and that I’ll give her at least 12 strikes before I’m out. I have not told her this, because I don’t know if she can really handle it, but if we get close to another month of no action, I will do so.

I am not yet 40. I would really love to have my marriage fixed before I’m 40. If I get to 39 and there isn’t significant progress, I will really need to seriously think about whether to get the hell out and start seeking a not-broken relationship. It is 2007 and I will be 38 this year. I need to fight for those 12 significant actions (at the very least) this year, and if they don’t happen, I will need to come up with Plan B in early 2008. I don’t think I should tell her this because it would mean unbelievable pressure and despair.