Writing on Monday Nov 26, but this actually happened a week ago on Sunday Nov 18.
Secret entry. Argument started off with me complaining to Michelle because I feel like I do more than my fair share of chores around the house and that I am not appreciated for it. I said that I wished she would make dinner once in a while. I said that I felt like the chores were broken into two groups, the “things Greg does” and the “things Michelle and Greg do together”. I expressed that I didn’t like coming home from work, after 8 hours of me working and her sleeping, and getting “drawn in” to the things she felt “needed to be done now” because she has just got up and is feeling energetic and wants to include me in something. I said that I understand why she doesn’t want to carry laundry up and down the stairs (because of her knees) but that probably means she could be helping more with other stuff like dishes. I also said that I think she leaves messes and trash around the house and that I usually end up cleaning up after her, and that I felt that asking me to do little things that I don’t usually ask her to do (like, can I get her a coke or water while we’re both sitting there at the computer) is unfair to me, because I very rarely say no (which would be rude), and yet I don’t ever ask those things of her (probably because I feel it would be a bit rude).
She in turn expressed that it was a little unfair springing this on her, as I had apparently been thinking about it for a long time, probably both true.
Later in the day she got out Christmas lights and decided it would be a clever and cool thing to put them up around the walls close to the ceiling. I didn’t show much interest, as with any home-decorating foo, but offered to help. Since she didn’t feel up to climbing on the ladder, I was the one attaching lights to the wall with push pins. This was fine with me as long as she was sort of involved, but there wasn’t much else to do but hold the push pins and hand them to me. After about 10 minutes she wandered off, so rather than do the rest by myself, I stopped too. After about an hour she asked if I wanted to continue working on it? I said sure, and watched the TV for another 15 minutes or so, then started climbing ladder and pushing pins again. She asked, did I want help with that? and I said sure, you can hand me the push pins. There was a litter box in the way of where the ladder should go next, so I was just going to move the one litter box, but Michelle said, we should really sweep under those. This turned it into a bit more of a production than I was hoping for, but I proceeded to do this, since litter boxes are really my job, and there’s only one broom, and really only one person can stand back there at a time. She protested saying, oh I was going to help you with that, but I said that was OK. By the time things were swept and the next two pins were up, she was back at the computer. Rather than working on the project alone some more, I just decided to put it all down neatly and walk away from it until she was ready. (I found out later that she was trying to wrap up the EQ thing she was doing, but that getting everyone back to a safe place took longer than expected. Suits me, I just wasn’t really willing to work on it if she wasn’t there providing help and moral support).
During the drive to Christine’s, we talked a bit more about our situation, and she asked if there was anything specific that she could be doing. This is when I told her that the chores were part of my frustration, but not all of it… the other thing I was really frustrated about was sex, and her tendency to not want any of it. She felt that she would like me to be more involved with Everquest and that it was something she really liked and wanted to share with me, but that I wasn’t interested in it, and that made her feel more isolated. I said that this was exactly how I feel about sex, like I like it, and feel strongly about it, and want to share it with her, but she’s not interested. (What I didn’t say was “Except you get to have Everquest with your friends all day!” That probably wouldn’t have helped much.)